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情感:当我们陷入困境时,如何原谅自己并做出积极的改变?

 二维码 9

我觉得我正在慢慢下沉。

大约一年前,我与一个在我的社区非常活跃的人建立了关系。我觉得这很棒,因为我们有一群共同的朋友,我想“最后,有人喜欢我喜欢的东西,而且因为他是我朋友的朋友,这一定意味着他不是一个混蛋。”

这是一个非常动荡的关系,因为最终,他想要有一个开放的关系,并且超级混杂,我没有。当它与我分手时,因为很明显他没有兴趣珍惜我们的关系或者把它作为优先事项。但是我们中的任何一个人都无法远离,我们从未真正停止过见过对方。几个月之后,当他再次不尊重我们的关系时,我再次结束了它。不幸的是,我们有巨大的边界问题。我设置它们(“请不要联系我” - 我甚至阻止了他的号码和Facebook)。但是因为我们去了同样的事件,我们不可避免地相互碰撞,然后他过来和甜蜜的谈话我,我不能(或不会或不会知道如何)走开。

但这甚至不是最困难的事情。这种关系的性质以及我无法走开导致了我的一贯不良行为,因为这种情况在挖掘旧的包袱,附件问题和低自我价值方面。他也不是完美的 - 当他对我生气时,他可能会情绪化地操纵并且意味着他。但是我做过像喊叫,尖叫和踢球的事情。即使我主要是私下做的(除了三个值得注意的时间),它仍然令人沮丧。而且他都低估了我的所作所为 - 当我生气的时候他甚至称我为'热' - 并为此惩罚我,告诉我他的朋友对我的评价,我有多疯狂,退出等等。

毫无疑问,我表现出了滥用行为,我对自己感到震惊。我有一种这样的模式 - 愤怒和抨击。从心理学的角度来看,我有很大的情绪调节问题,甚至是一些边缘趋势。

我感到非常内疚和羞耻,现在我感觉离开了我已经进入了十多年的社区。我觉得我现在因为危险和可怕而享有声誉,而且*我感到危险和可怕。有一两个人非常支持,但总的来说,我不会和那里的任何人谈论我的感受。我只是觉得很尴尬。

我最好的朋友和治疗师倾向于淡化这些事件,告诉我不应该感觉不好,但我认为他们错了。我应该像一个被宠坏的孩子一样表现得很糟糕!

我和一个愤怒,辱骂的爸爸一起长大,并且一直有控制自己情绪的问题。不一定是这是我爸爸的错,但我知道它来自于从未真正学会如何控制激烈的情绪。我非常敏感/善解人意,这让我感到很多自我厌恶,对自己感到失望,甚至在我觉得自己可能只是一个“糟糕的种子”时出现了自杀念头。

我很尴尬地生活在这个社区的很多人身边,并且觉得很可怕他进入了它并且立刻所有人都爱他,而我总是感觉自己即使在十年之后就处于社区的边缘(我对大部分社区都感觉到了这一点)。由于这个喧嚣的一年,我真的在工作中挣扎,并且已经接受了缓刑。我想做得更好,但我仍然有拖延问题。我想我甚至在遇到前任之前就已经被烧坏了。

我正在接受治疗,并将检查性与爱成瘾者会议,因为我知道我有附件问题变成对合作伙伴的痴迷/固定。

但愤怒真的让我感到害怕。我觉得自己是一个坏人,不值得信任。我甚至不相信自己。我45岁,我担心我永远不会成为一个能够建立健康,稳固的关系或生活在一起而不用担心,焦虑,抑郁或生气的人。我周围的人似乎很开心和平衡,有很强的人际关系和家庭,擅长工作,他们似乎很享受生活。

我只是觉得我的船已经发生泄漏而且我正在海洋中间。

网友:我也有过在关系中表现出愤怒的表现,并且表现得像你描述的那个“被宠坏的孩子”。我过去常常通过关注对方对我做的事来证明这种行为。在我几乎失去了一个我非常喜欢的男人之后,当我最终被迫改变方式时,我发现让我原谅自己并继续前进的唯一方法就是停止这样做。听起来很简单,却又如此困难。

在治疗师的帮助下,日记,书籍,指导,责任合作伙伴,多方意志和自我控制,以及大量的祈祷,我能够改变我的方式。我从来没有能够原谅自己,直到我能够始终如一地行事,在情感上支持自己而不是依赖他,并在做出反应前停下来。

直到我开始表现得像一个真正的成年人。然后我找到了宽恕,我的关系得到了改善,他甚至开始表现得更好,因为他得到了更好的待遇,现在我们都对自己感觉良好并保持健康的关系。我们今天还在一起。这并不容易,但这是可能的。如果你愿意110%改变你的行为,那么这是值得的。花了很多时间,绝对没有在一夜之间发生,但事情发生了。说实话,我甚至不再有以旧方式行事的冲动,因为我花了数年时间练习新行为,这对我来说变得正常。   


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